There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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