It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
