someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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