She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
