I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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