omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
