God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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