What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
