I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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