Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
