plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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