You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
