i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Houston, we have a squirter
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
