The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
