yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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