turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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