I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
