Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
