So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
