there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
