I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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