dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
