either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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