I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
