I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
