My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
