that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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