Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
