So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
