i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
