we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
