We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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