The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well you can't waste a boner
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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