Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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