i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
