I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
