absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
