If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
