Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
