Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
