you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
