in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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