Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
