yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
