My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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