just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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