I accidentally had phone sex last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
