Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
