Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
