I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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