So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
