fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
